How I met my first husband.

At church.

Not at a bar, not online, not through mutual friends, but at church.

The same church I met the man I thought I was going to marry.

My first husband actually worked for my stepdad and that's when he said he first saw me.

"You took my breath away"...so he said.

He was the one every single girl in the church wanted to snatch up.

Although I took his breath away, he was still dating and sleeping with just about every girl in our church's college and career.

(That should have been the first red flag.)

He did end up dating one girl in our youth department for over a year before we started dating.

They had broken up and well I was now 23 and still single.

Oh if I could go back-but I can't.

I didn't realize then I still had a lifetime ahead of me to wait on God.

Instead, desperate feeling like an old maiden...I saw a man in church, who was white, my age, drug free, and serving in ministry.

Sadly, that was my new people pleasing checklist.

I had gotten so much grief for loving the man I thought I was going to marry. A man who loved God and loved me well despite his past and our differences.

The girl my first husband dated last, tried to warn me about going into a relationship with him but according to him...her and her family were crazy and lying.

(That should have been the second red flag.)

Needless to say, I didn't listen and everything happened so fast. He came over to fix my toilet, three weeks later I was engaged, and three months later I was married.

Why didn't I listen to my gut? Or was that Holy Spirit?

At this point, I just knew of Jesus and Father God.

This is why I needed the messes I was about to experience the next 15 years and counting.

At one point I had given the engagement ring back, but I experienced a strong game of love bombing that kept me running to the alter.

It wasn't just a few months into my marriage, I found myself in my pastor's living room with my mom, crying, sharing what was now my reality.

My pastor looked at me and said...baby girl, you do not have to stay in that.

But, I did.

I was pregnant.

And if God could heal my pastor's marriage, my grandparents' marriage, heck he could heal mine if I believed enough...if I prayed enough.

Plus I was always told you don't get divorced...stay—even if it’s just for the children.

This is the most deadly advice you could ever give someone.

I'd learn soon enough that God cared more about ME than my marriage.

My advice...make sure you take your time to truly get to know the person you are dating and could possibly marry.

Don't rush in.

If they want to rush in...count that as the final red flag and run.