I began to doubt if I made the right decision in leaving my first husband.

I heard God say clear as day…”let go.”

But I could also hear all the other voices around me.

“He is repentant.”

“He hasn’t cheated since you moved here.”

“He has changed.”

“He’s praying for God to restore your marriage.”

And of course…”God hates divorce.”

But what they didn’t understand, was this was no longer about infidelity in my marriage…it went so much deeper.

It was about my heart that needed sheltering, healing, and deliverance.

It was about needing to be set free from the abuse that had been hidden all those years of marriage.

It was about the walking on eggshells.

The jealousy and control.

The false accusations.

The mind games.

It was coming to the understanding of just how extravagant God’s love is for me.

To know He sees me.

He hears me.

And to know God knew the truth of what was really going on in my marriage despite how happy we appeared.

God doesn’t know one season—He knows all seasons.

He knows the plans because He holds the future.

After I asked my first husband to leave, he began to meet with our pastor weekly.

He was messaging my family and friends slandering my character.

This was so hurtful.

Some of my closest friends and family began to believe him.

I felt alone, but I had that one friend from the retreat who stuck closer than a brother.

I remember God telling me…”do not defend yourself, I will defend you.”

I had been made to look as if I were the adulterer though I had never cheated on him.

But I remained still and quiet.

I never defended myself to the ones who believed his accusations.

Even with him slandering my character, I would doubt if I was supposed to leave…because he hadn’t cheated since we moved to the country.

He was seeking counseling.

He was praying.

He was shedding tears before our Sunday school class. And mostly I feared what this would do to my children.

I had said…”I’d never get a divorce.”

We’d been married 15 years.

God would once again prove me wrong and give me peace in the seeking.

I kept praying…”God show me what to do—give me peace.”

So He showed me.

And He gave me complete peace.

I was on my way to my sister’s house for Easter and my phone started blowing up.

It was messenger.

It was still connected to my old FB account we shared, that he now controlled, because he didn’t trust me to have my own account.

I pulled up in the drive, opened messenger, and that’s when I saw the messages he was sending to another woman.

All I could do was cry.

I walked in the house where my family was gathered.

My mom asked what was wrong.

I had no words…I just knew it was over and I would move forward with no more doubt.

I will never tell you to stay.

I will never tell you to go.

I will tell you to seek God wholeheartedly…and know I will be a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

When you seek Him, you will find Him…and He will give you the answers you are looking for.

You won’t get the answers over night but you will get them in time…and in time you will find that through the waiting God is doing a miraculous work behind the scenes.

Beloved, be still and know that He is God!