I was raised Independent Fundamental Baptist.

I didn’t even know what that meant…just that it was our denomination.

So when I left the church I grew up in, that’s what I googled to search for a new church.

I made a list and began visiting churches.

In the churches I visited, I found women did not wear pants, there were no drums, KJV only, only hymns were sang, and it just left me dazed and confused.

I’d always worn pants…even to church.

And don’t get me wrong, I love hymns…but we also worshiped to praise songs too.

And we had drums and electric guitars.

I read from other Bible versions.

I immediately thought…”what the heck is going on—these rules will be impossible to keep!”

I can laugh now, but at the time I was having a complete faith identity crisis.

I knew what I believed doctrinally…but what were all these rules?

I was also concerned if they knew our current circumstances, we would be banned from their congregation.

They had it together.

So I stopped searching IFB in google, I started searching for a church with an AWANA program to put my kids in.

I found one.

I loaded the kids up in big red on a Wednesday night and off we went.

I really didn’t know what to expect.

We were greeted at the door.

My daughter went to the nursery while the boys went to AWANA.

I was invited to join the women’s Bible study.

I entered a small room where a handful of women welcomed me with smiles as I sat around a table with them.

These women had been reading through the Bible chapter by chapter…and there I sat fighting back the tears as they were giving prayer request.

I sat there quietly.

I listened.

My heart crumbling into a million pieces, I shared my request for my marriage as I cried.

They embraced me.

Loved on me.

Spoke life into me.

I found myself coming back week after week.

These women were seasoned in life and faith.

They were real—transparent.

Women who knew what it was to say…”even if, God, you are still good.”

They persevered in their own fiery trials of faith.

Faith.

Everything I ever believed about God would now be tested.

Every belief.

Every conviction.

And yes, every rule.

Again, I say faith.

Without faith, it is impossible for anyone to please God.

I had to learn what faith even was.

Oh friend, I was great at works and rule keeping.

I attended church every time the doors were opened, I served in full time ministry, I gave my tithe, I went to soul winning, and I kept the check list I signed to be in ministry.

Now all that was gone.

So now what?

God was inviting me to take Him out of the box I had kept Him in all these years.

I accepted.

And now it was just me and God in what would be a brand new season of faith.