This would be the last family vacation.

Every summer, from the time my eldest was in my womb, we would go on a family vacation with my parents and siblings.

The summer of 2016, we all headed to Alabama to spend the week on the beach.

It was on this family vacation, in a room by myself, I told the Lord… “I can’t do this anymore.”

As in-I couldn’t do my marriage anymore. I had reached my limit and I was done fighting to save it.

I couldn’t continue to pretend everything was ok, when in reality I was struggling with wanting to live.

So…what was my breaking point?

My niece, who was then a teenager, brought her boyfriend with her on our vacation. The entire vacation my ex husband accused me of flirting with her boyfriend.

Yes, you read that right.

Fourteen years of marriage, and he was still jealous.

Was I flirting?

No-absolutely not.

He had a way of making me feel so uncomfortable around men that I could no longer be myself.

I was constantly self checking.

I found myself constantly walking on eggshells to accommodate his insecurities and jealousy to avoid accusations, or in this case staying in my room avoiding anywhere my niece’s boyfriend might be…which was everywhere.

I was MISERABLE!

Needless to say, I didn’t get to spend much time with my family on this vacation.

BUT, I did get to spend quite a bit of time with God up in that room.

He had a lot to say.

In that room, He gave me a vision of an army of light…women from all over the United States and Canada rising up, writing, and sharing their testimonies.

That vision gave me so much hope.

I came home from that vacation expecting God to do the impossible.

The impossible just didn’t look anything like what I thought it would.